Depression can be extremely debilitating!!! Let that sink in for a minute. If you know someone that’s suffering from depression, then it’s paramount that you fully recognize and understand that statement! You may have the opinion that they should just stop thinking about the thing that’s making them depressed… however… if they COULD… they WOULD!!!
It’s not that easy! And I am saying that from personal experience. A couple of years ago, I fell into a deep dark depression that quite LITERALLY almost killed me. I put my family and friends through a living hell. Part of that hell was due to the fact they had no idea how to help me. All they could do was sit back and watch me slowly destroy myself.
So, those of you who have loved ones suffering from depression… read this article and educate yourself.
If YOU are the one suffering from depression… this article is mainly for YOU!!!
You are not alone in this chasm you feel yourself trapped in. Many others have fallen into it and, thankfully, paved the way for us all to get out. There is a roadmap!!!
These roads must be paved with trust in these three fact:
- I’ve been where you are
- I’ve successfully pulled myself OUT
- I know how to NEVER go back
The first thing I’m asking you to acknowledge is that there are two states of mind to consider:
- The current depressed state
- The desired happy state
Every time someone asks you “What’s wrong?” or “Why are you depressed?” … all that does is get you to focus on the current depressed state of mind. The longer you keep your focus on the problem, the longer your depression will be acerbated.
Now let’s clarify… defining the reason you are depressed is a good thing. This will help you understand your current depressed state of mind. But it is pertinent that you do not let yourself stay focused on the problem for an extended amount of time. This falls under the “easier said than done” category; which is why I’m writing this article… to give you the action items for success in conquering depression.
So How Do I Get to that DESIRED HAPPY State of Mind?
I’m glad you asked!
The first step in this process is to define what it is you want in life. The pitfall surrounding this is that, majority of the time, what we want is for someone else to make a different decision than what they have.
Now is a good time to set a mandatory “rule”:
You can NOT control anyone else’s decisions, words, or actions except your own!!!!
Any time you have expectations from another person make decisions that affect your happiness, you set yourself up for heartache.
But let’s be fair… there are other reasons people fall into depression. It could be financial problems, a loved one might have passed on, you may have your own medical condition you’re worried about, or it could be any number of other possible situations. Regardless of the reason for your depression, this rule still applies. You can only control the things that you physically have the capability to control!
So, as you answer this increasingly important question, you need to only focus on answers that you have the power to control.
An immediate issue that you’re probably going to run into, is that when you’re depressed you don’t really remember what you want in life. How can you think about what you really want outside of the thing that has you depressed???
Try thinking back to a time when you weren’t depressed. What used to be your passion? When you were a kid and had lofty hopes and dreams, what excited you?
If you still can’t think of anything, then ask someone who knew you back then. Ask them what you used to be passionate about. You’d be surprised how much other people pick up on things that made you smile.
I will tell you my answer to that question when I was at my lowest of lows… I wanted three things:
- Make my businesses successful so I could be financially free
- Audition for a TV show called The Voice
- Get my body in great shape so my ex would hate herself for cheating on me and losing me
Okay, I’ll admit… that third item was self-serving and probably not a 100% healthy perspective. But I do believe that there is a healthy amount of “vengeance motivation” so long as you use it to drive yourself to betterment. If it consumes you, then you’re doing it wrong!!!
This first step is vital to your success in beating depression! So, stop now and grab a pen and paper. At the top of the paper I want you to write the question: What do I truly want in life?
Now take your time and fully define what it is that you TRULY want. And it’s okay if this list changes as time goes on. The more you strive to reach that desired happy state of mind, the more things you might recall or think of for this list.
WooHoo!!! Step one is COMPLETE!!! We have a list… but now what?
As with everything in life, actions speak louder than words! Therefore, we need to put some actions behind these words we just made.
But, Jeff, how can we put these words into actual actions???
Man… you have the best question!!! Here… I’ll tell you…
This struggle is not just a one-time event. This struggle is an every-day occurrence. So, we must create action-items that we persist every day on.
Grab another piece of paper. At the top of this new paper, write the following question: What am I going to do TODAY to get myself closer to what I truly want in life?
Fasten this paper somewhere in your room so it is the FIRST thing you see every morning when you wake up. This question needs to be answered fresh every day.
You see… you start where you are with each new day. As long as you are moving forward, then progress will come. So, baby steps are okay!
For me, getting in shape went from:
- Today I’m going to not drink myself stupid – to –
- Today I’m going to go outside for a walk – to –
- Today I’m going to drag my ass to the gym – to –
- Today I’m going to do a max weight set – to –
- Today I’m gonna bench-press a Volkswagen GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
The point is that you must start the journey in order to get somewhere. And every day is a new day to push yourself in that direction. You can trust me in the fact that when you first start this process, you will NOT feel it! You will NOT immediately have that desire to do what has to be done. You’re going to go a while and even question whether it’s working.
DON’T STOP!!!!!!
It took me months before I started honestly feeling solid effects from this process. It usually doesn’t take most people as long as it did me because I’m kind of stubborn and, like I said… I was VERY far gone into my depression.
This is where the faith in the process is fundamental to your success with it!
At the beginning of this articles I said that I not only know the way out of depression, but I also know how to NEVER go back into it. Believe it or not, there is a way to safeguard your brain and heart when it comes to the lurking monster of depression. As with everything else we’ve discussed, it has to do with what our brains focus on.
Since our brains are pretty screwed up and cause to think about things we don’t like, we need to learn how to train our brains! So, get out your whip cuz I’m about to tell you how to make your brain a submissive servant to your dominant self you never knew you had!
There are essentially three things in life that, if you force your brain to focus on, will give you the power against falling into depression.
SIDE NOTE: Feeling a sense of depression in situational circumstances is much different than falling victim to the chains of depression. Everyone is apt to feel depressed when negative things happen and this is a natural reaction our fleshy human bodies have. But letting it consume you is the state of depression we are fighting against.
These three things you will train your brain to focus on are:
- Health
- Family and Friends
- Wealth and Greater Purpose
Now let me break each one of these down for you…
Health
When we make our health an important part of our lives and a priority, a few things happen. It naturally stimulates serotonin and dopamine flow in our brains. These are the little faucets of happiness that allow our brains to feel good. When you start fueling your bodies with the right foods, vitamins, and exercise, you encourage these flows to be more consistent.
SIDE NOTE: Serotonin and dopamine flow is also affected by addiction. If you are suffering from an addiction you cannot control, then please seek immediate help. This article is NOT meant as a replacement for rehabilitation therapy or any therapy required to help a life-threatening situation.
Being healthy also causes your brain to think more clearly. This is important when you need to see a bad situation for what it truly is.
But my favorite reason to be healthy… looking sexy seriously helps build that confidence factor!!! 😉
Family and Friends
Having a solid support system is a key factor in never falling into major depression. When you know that you have people in your life that have your back, it takes a lot of the burden of stress off of your shoulders. I call this focus “Family and Friends” because a lot of time our “family” members aren’t our friends… but our friends can be escalated to become our “family” in our hearts.
The QUALITY of your Family and Friends is the most important part of this though! You need people in your life that build you up, challenge you, and ultimately make you a better person. There’s a saying that goes “you are a product of your five closest friends”. This statement rings a lot of truth. If you hang out with shady people, you will eventually have that shadiness rub off on you. But if you hang out with motivated and successful people, you will inevitably start finding yourself more motivated and successful.
But, Jeff… I don’t have any friends or family!!!
Calm down!!! I’m getting to that.
There are a lot of groups that meet up in person or online that share similar interests as you. This topic has a lot to be said regarding methods to meet new friends and build your support system. I will write another article going into more detail on that later. But for now… just search Google for groups with some of your same interests. You might be surprised what you find.
Wealth and Greater Purpose
This might be a difficult focus for someone who’s self-esteem is not 100% at the moment. But nonetheless, it’s an extremely important one.
The reason this focus includes both Wealth AND Greater Purpose is because your life’s purpose might not have anything to do with money. Mother Teresa had an AMAZING life purpose that had absolutely nothing to do with becoming wealthy.
But alas… Wealth is the easiest and most widely used form of “Greater Purpose” since it’s a tangible and measurable item. But your “destiny” needs to fit what your true passion is in life.
Ironically, my current “greater purpose” is to make people laugh through Dead X Radio… but also to educate people on how to conquer depression once and for all… hence this article!!!
So, dig deep… find out what your greater purpose in life might be. And just as mine do, your greater purpose is allowed to change over time. One of the best parts of being a living human is the propensity to adapt and alter our desires and motivations.
Master These Three Focuses
Now that you know the three things to push your brain to focus on, you have the power to become a master over your own thoughts. If these three things become the most important things in your life, then you will never be put in a situation where depression can have a stronghold on you.
I wish I could go into more granule detail with each one of these. There is SO much more to them than I can cover in this article. But I hope this gives you or your loved one a foundation to start building that solid desired happy state of mind… and KEEP IT!!!
IF YOU FEEL TOO OVERWHELMED WITH YOUR DEPRESSION, THEN CALL THIS NUMBER NOW:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 (800) 273-8255
…or go to: http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Final Thought
I don’t have to personally know you to love you. My heart has broken a million times over when hearing stories about someone killing themselves. So please… if you don’t have anyone else to tell you… I’m telling you… I love you!!!